Are you sick of sitting at your video store or looking at your Netflix log wondering whether or not you should rent that movie? Let me help you make the call.
In the 28th century, Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne) are a team of special operatives charged with maintaining order throughout the human territories. Under assignment from the Minister of Defense, the two embark on a mission to the astonishing city of Alpha—an ever-expanding metropolis where species from all over the universe have converged over centuries to share knowledge, intelligence and cultures with each other. There is a mystery at the center of Alpha, a dark force which threatens the peaceful existence of the City of a Thousand Planets, and Valerian and Laureline must race to identify the marauding menace and safeguard not just Alpha, but the future of the universe. Yikes. I had given this movie the benefit of the doubt hoping that it would be somewhat like The Fifth Element - a totally off the wall movie from years ago that I will still watch all the time as one of the ultimate guilty pleasure movies. It was ridiculously bad though. I pulled the plug halfway through because of how not enjoyable this movie was in every way. Characters - poop. Story - poop. Pacing - poop. Even the visual spectacle of it which should have been enough to carry the movie by itself? Poop. I would not recommend anyone bother wasting their time or money on this one. This will end up being one of the worst movies of the year I'm pretty sure.
