The Heartbreak Kid

Single and indecisive, Eddie (Ben Stiller) begins dating the incredibly sexy and seemingly fabulous Lila. Upon the urging of his father and best friend, Eddie proposes to her after only a week, fearing this may be his last chance at love, marriage, and happiness. However, while on their honeymoon in sunny Mexico, Lila reveals her true beyond-awful nature and Eddie meets Miranda, the woman he realizes to be his actual soul mate. Eddie must keep his new, increasingly horrid wife at bay as he attempts to woo the girl of his dreams.


There were some really big laughs in this movie. However, the absolute funniest part of the movie was the guy sitting two rows in front of me. You know how sometimes you laugh harder at things because of how much someone else is enjoying it? This guy had me crying because of how hard he was laughing at the movie. He definitely made it more enjoyable than it was. That's not to say that the movie wasn't funny on its own. It definitely was. I love watching Ben Stiller's facial reactions. They truly are priceless. This being a Farrely Brothers movie though, there are a few mind blowing sight gags that push the envelope big time. There is one that rivals the caught in the zipper scene from There's Something About Mary that makes you cringe beyond belief and laugh only because of how totally uncomfortable you've become. Be sure to never let kids anywhere near this movie! Besides that and the couple of over the top sex scenes, the movie is pretty funny. They didn't need to push the sex envelope so much, but that seems to unfortunately be the new Hollywood trend. The movie was plenty funny without it and I think that stuff like that held the movie back somewhat.


I'd recommend people checking this out if they want a good laugh. Just take heed about some of the over the top stuff and keep kids as far away from this as possible.

Eastern Promises

The mysterious and charismatic Russian-born Nikolai Luzhin (Mortensen) is a driver for one of London's most notorious organized crime families of Eastern European origin. The family itself is part of the Vory V Zakone criminal brotherhood. Headed by Semyon (Armin Mueller-Stahl), whose courtly charm as the welcoming proprietor of the plush Trans-Siberian restaurant impeccably masks a cold and brutal core, the family's fortunes are tested by Semyon's volatile son and enforcer, Kirill (Vincent Cassel), who is more tightly bound to Nikolai than to his own father. But Nikolai's carefully maintained existence is jarred once he crosses paths at Christmastime with Anna Khitrova (Naomi Watts), a midwife at a North London hospital. Anna is deeply affected by the desperate situation of a young teenager who dies while giving birth to a baby. Anna resolves to try to trace the baby's lineage and relatives. The girl's personal diary also survives her; it is written in Russian, and Anna seeks answers in it. Anna's mother Helen (Sinead Cusack) does not discourage her, but Anna's irascible Russian-born uncle Stepan (Jerzy Skolimowski) urges caution. He is right to do so; by delving into the diary, Anna has accidentally unleashed the full fury of the Vory.


Let's just get out of the way that you should know before going in to this that there is a crazy knife fight in which Viggo Mortensen is butt naked. I mean like the fight scene from Borat with knives, people! I just thought I'd warn my peeps about this before discussing the movie. That being out of the way now, the movie was actually very well done. It's not really a mainstream movie though. Its an artsy drama about the mob with good performances by all included. There are a couple of really violent scenes (including the aforementioned naked fight scene), but its mostly a character drama besides that. This is one of those movies that has a lot of tension built in throughout the movie, but no big end point where its all released. The tension is simply properly directed to keep your attention throughout the movie. There was one thing that I just couldn't get out of my head during this movie. Does every son of a mob boss have to be such a out of control dumbass? In every mob movie or television show - the son is always the stupidest guy in the world. What's that about?


I'd recommend people checking this one out if they were interested by the commercial for it. Just be warned that its a artsy type movie and this may disappoint a lot of people who are looking forward to some big wham bam type ending that doesn't happen.

Rush Hour 3

Rush Hour 3 sees the beloved action comedy duo of Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan reprising their roles as LAPD Detective James Carter and Chinese Chief Inspector Lee respectively. This time around, the two must travel to Paris to battle a wing of the Chinese organized crime family, the Triads.


Every once and a while a sequel comes out where the movie studio basically decided that nothing really matters production or script wise and that they can just throw the characters that we like up on the screen for an hour and a half and we will all go plunk our money down and watch whatever the characters we know will do and say while they make hundreds of millions of dollars. Think Men In Black 2. Well, Rush Hour 3 is totally one of those sequels. I don't even think that they had a script for this movie. I think that they just filmed Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan doing whatever they wanted knowing that we would all pay to watch regardless. This was not a "good" movie by any means. However, I happen to think that Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker are absolutely hilarious! I am also a HUGE fan of any movie that shows you the bloopers during the end credits and few things have ever made me laugh harder than the bloopers on all three Rush Hour movies.


If you find Tucker and Chan funny like I do, you will like this movie and I recommend it even though this really isn't a well done movie. If you don't - stay far, far away because you will think it is some of the worst money you've ever spent.

The Kingdom

When a terrorist bomb detonates inside a Western housing compound in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, an international incident is ignited. While diplomats slowly debate equations of territorialism, FBI Special Agent Ronald Fleury (Jamie Foxx) quickly assembles an elite team (Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman) and negotiates a secret five-day trip into Saudi Arabia to locate the madman behind the bombing. Upon landing in the desert kingdom, however, Fleury and his team discover Saudi authorities suspicious and unwelcoming of American interlopers into what they consider a local matter. Hamstrung by protocol—and with the clock ticking on their five days—the FBI agents find their expertise worthless without the trust of their Saudi counterparts, who want to locate the terrorist in their homeland on their own terms. Fleury’s crew finds a like-minded partner in Saudi Colonel Al-Ghazi (Ashraf Barhoum), who helps them navigate royal politics and unlock the secrets of the crime scene and the workings of an extremist cell bent on further destruction.


This movie was amazing! The direction was perfect as the level of tension was so high from the first scene that you don't look at your watch once and manage to fight off any urge to go to the bathroom or get a soda refill. The acting performances were phenomenal. Jamie Foxx and Chris Cooper (still the most underrated actor in Hollywood) were great as always. Jennifer Garner was surprisingly unannoying and Jason Bateman was hysterical. I am so glad to see Bateman back in mainstream acting again. I never understood how he fell off the face of the planet for a couple of years because he has always had some of the most perfect sarcasm delivery. They were all so well developed, even the Saudi Arabian cop, that you find yourself truly caring what happens to them. On top of all this - the movie really makes you think and could go a long way towards opening people's eyes to what really is going on over there and erasing some of that "kill them all" mentality.


I couldn't possibly recommend this movie more. It is a definite must see and will certainly end up as one of my top ten movies of 2007.

Balls Of Fury

In the unsanctioned, underground, and unhinged world of extreme Ping-Pong, the competition is brutal and the stakes are deadly. Now, this outrageous new comedy serves up this secret world for the first time on-screen. Down-and-out former professional Ping-Pong phenom Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) is sucked into this maelstrom when FBI Agent Rodriguez (George Lopez) recruits him for a secret mission. Randy is determined to bounce back and recapture his former glory, and to smoke out his father's killer – one of the FBI's Most Wanted, arch-fiend Feng (Christopher Walken). But, after two decades out of the game, Randy can't turn his life around and avenge his father's murder without a team of his own. He calls upon the spiritual guidance of blind Ping-Pong sage and restaurateur Wong (James Hong), and the training expertise of Master Wong's niece Maggie (Maggie Q), both of whom also have a dark history with Feng. All roads lead to Feng's mysterious jungle compound and the most unique Ping-Pong tournaments ever staged.

This movie is exactly what you would think it would be - totally pointless and incredibly stupid. However, as long as you know to expect that (why anyone wouldn't is completely beyond me), you can manage to laugh at quite a few spots. I rented this with bottom of the barrell expectations and came away thinking that the movie wasn't that bad. I always find Christopher Walken hilarious . . . . . even when he's being serious.

I wouldn't fully recommend anyone checking this out because it is a truly dumb movie. If you are okay with spending the money for some cheap laughs then knock yourself out though.

Underdog

After an accident in the mysterious lab of maniacal scientist Dr. Simon Barsinister (Peter Dinklage), an ordinary beagle unexpectedly finds himself with unimaginable powers and the ability to speak. Armed with a fetching superhero costume, Underdog (voiced by comedian Jason Lee) vows to protect the beleaguered citizens of Capitol City and, in particular, one beautiful spaniel named Polly Purebread. When a sinister plot by Barsinister and his overgrown henchman Cad (Patrick Warburton) threatens to destroy Capitol City only Underdog can save the day.


This was a great movie for kids. Big laughs for them and not a really complicated story or anything. The parents taking the kids might not enjoy it quite as much though. The only thing that I really loved about this movie was the voice of Jason Lee as Underdog. I think that he's hilarious and has awesome punchline delivery. Anyone who isn't watching My Name Is Earl on a weekly basis really should go out of their way to fit it in. Peter Dinklage (the small person author from Elf) was pretty good . . . . . you really can't go wrong with flying midgets - Cinco likey mucho! . . . . . as was Patrick Warburton. Unfortunately for the adults though, this movie was cornified a little too much and is targeted directly for the kids.


I would strongly recommend anyone who has kids checking this bad boy out. You adults will have a few chuckles. However, if you don't have kids and want to see it just because of how you were an old school Underdog fan - keep your expectations low, peoples.

Stardust

Stardust takes audiences on an adventure that begins in a village in England and ends up in places that exist in an imaginary world. A young man named Tristan (Charlie Cox) tries to win the heart of Victoria (Sienna Miller) by going on a quest to retrieve a fallen star. His journey takes him to a mysterious and forbidden land beyond the walls of his village. On his odyssey, Tristan finds the star, which has transformed into a striking girl named Yvaine (Claire Danes). However, Tristan is not the only one seeking the star. A king's (Peter O'Toole) four living sons – not to mention the ghosts of their three dead brothers – all need the star as they vie for the throne. Tristan must also overcome the evil witch, Lamia (Michelle Pfeiffer), who needs the star to make her young again. As Tristan battles to survive these threats, encountering a pirate named Captain Shakespeare (Robert De Niro) and a shady trader named Ferdy the Fence (Ricky Gervais) along the way, his quest changes. He must now win the heart of the star for himself as he discovers the meaning of true love.


This was a really great fantasy movie. I've always been a big fan of movies like The Princess Bride, Labyrinth, and The Dark Crystal. This was a movie like those. It had some really funny moments, great fight scenes, and very well developed central characters. The only knock that I can really make against it is that it drags a bit at the beginning and that it may be tough for kids to keep their attention through that part (the future steppies ended up bailing to go watch The Simpsons movie because of this). However, once Tristan meets up with the star and they start travelling, the movie is great, fun entertainment.


I very strongly recommend everyone checking this one out. Those of you with children, be sure to remember that it is a little tedious for the first half hour or so.

Halloween

From Rob Zombie comes an entirely new take on the highly successful and terrifying Halloween legacy that began in 1978. While revealing a new chapter in the established Michael Myers saga, the film will surprise both classic and modern horror fans with a departure from prior films in the Halloween franchise. Zombie turns back time to uncover the making of a pathologically disturbed, even cursed child named Michael Myers.


I really don't understand Hollywood's fascination with remaking things lately. It's gotten completely out of control. This movie is yet another venture in to the totally pointless. The original Halloween was in my opinion the best of those slasher movies. I always thought Michael Myers was a thousand times better than Freddy or Jason or Leatherhead. The original Halloween, Halloween II and Halloween IV were all great scary movies. The franchise got beyond beaten to death and now comes a total "revamping" of the original story. The only difference between this movie and the original was that you found out that Michael's stepfather was a loudmouthed loser and his mom was a stripper. On top of that, Rob Zombie decided to go the rout of needless gore, the most massive amount of F bombs I've ever heard and random exposed breasts instead of any sort of scary moments or good fear buildup whatsoever. Its pretty sad when I'm totally desensitized to the fact that someone gets their throat slit because there is no suspense and basically I just don't care by the time it happens. I might have jumped once and found myself pretty bored and ready to pull the plug about half way through the movie.


I wouldn't really recommend anyone bothering to check this one out. Its a shame because the original Halloween really is a classic and this one could have made it better but instead white trashed it.

The Simpsons Movie

In the eagerly-awaited film based on the hit television series, Homer must save the world from a catastrophe he himself created. It all begins with Homer, his new pet pig, and a leaky silo full of droppings - a combination that triggers a disaster the likes of which Springfield has never experienced. As Marge is outraged by Homer's monumental blunder, a vengeful mob descends on the Simpson household. The family makes a narrow escape, but is soon divided by both location and conflict. The Springfield citizenry has every reason to be out for Simpson blood. The calamity triggered by Homer has drawn the attention of U.S. President Arnold Schwarzenegger (voiced by Harry Shearer) and Environmental Protection Agency head Russ Cargill (voiced by Albert Brooks). He comes up with a plan to contain the disaster. As the fates of Springfield and the world hang in the balance, Homer embarks on a personal odyssey of redemption - seeking forgiveness from Marge, the reunion of his splintered family, and the salvation of his hometown.


This movie was hysterical. I have been a huge fan of the show for more than half of my life and knew that I would love this one going it. Its basically like a month long arc of the show. They don't try to overdo it at all which I was very afraid would happen. They stayed completely true to the show's form and it was beyond entertaining. Parents beware taking your kids though. Since they are on the big screen, they do push the envelope a little bit much for younger ones. There is a drug scene, Homer giving the middle finger and brief frontal nudity of Bart while skateboarding. Ye hath been warned.


Regardless, I totally loved this movie and wholeheartedly recommend this movie to everyone. Fans of the show will love it and even those that aren't will love it as well . . . . . even if you don't want to admit it.

The Bourne Ultimatum

All he wanted was to disappear. Instead, Jason Bourne is now hunted by the people who made him what he is. Having lost his memory and the one person he loved, he is undeterred by the barrage of bullets and a new generation of highly-trained killers. Bourne has only one objective: to go back to the beginning and find out who he was. Now, in the new chapter of this espionage series, Bourne will hunt down his past in order to find a future. He must travel from Moscow, Paris, Madrid and London to Tangier and New York City as he continues his quest to find the real Jason Bourne--all the while trying to outmaneuver the scores of cops, federal officers and Interpol agents with him in their crosshairs.


I love the Bourne movies. They are those types of amazing stuntwork action movies. There's no heavy duty special effects. Its just straight up tension from start to finish with some of the slickest looking fight and chase scenes. This one is just like the previous two except I found myself enjoying it more because I already knew who the characters were and they didn't have to spend all the character development time that would usually be necessary. This movie was very smart, tight, and action packed. The way that it was filmed made you feel all tense and what not even when the characters were just having conversations. It was a great summer movie.


I fully recommend everyone checking this movie out. It is well worth the rental fee.

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry returns for his fifth year of study at Hogwarts and discovers that much of the wizarding community has been denied the truth about the teenager's recent encounter with the evil Lord Voldemort. Fearing that Hogwarts' venerable Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, is lying about Voldemort's return in order to undermine his power and take his job, the Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, appoints a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to keep watch over Dumbledore and the Hogwarts students. But Professor Dolores Umbridge's Ministry-approved course of defensive magic leaves the young wizards woefully unprepared to defend themselves against the dark forces threatening them and the entire wizarding community, so at the prompting of his friends Hermione and Ron, Harry takes matters into his own hands. Meeting secretly with a small group of students who name themselves "Dumbledore's Army," Harry teaches them how to defend themselves against the Dark Arts, preparing the courageous young wizards for the extraordinary battle that lies ahead.


I had read a couple of reviews before going to see this and they all kept saying that anyone who hadn't read the Harry Potter books or seen the movies wouldn't really like this movie. Seriously? Who in the blue hell decides to start with Harry Potter by randomly seeing the FIFTH movie!?! Anyone who does that deserves not to get what is going on. However, after having seen the movie - I think I can identify a little bit more with those reviews because even for those of you that have read the books and seen the movies, you would think that you had missed the first twenty minutes of the movie if you showed up twenty seconds late. This is due to the fact that this Harry Potter hits the ground running. Unlike the previous four movies, there is no slow build up. The movie starts pretty much right where Goblet Of Fire left off and this movie is all about the main storyline. There wasn't any time wasted on subplots and what not. While some of the die hard fans might be mad that it left out chunks of the book, I loved it. There were NO dead spots at all and the bottom line is that this book (as well as the sixth book) were much different than the previous four. The previous four books each had more of a stand alone story to it with Goblet Of Fire ending with the return of Voldemort. To make more sense in a Star Wars parallel, books 1 - 4 were like Star Wars and books 5 - 6 are like The Empire Strikes Back. This movie definitely had that feel that you were watching part of a whole instead of a seperate movie. Regardless - I thought that the movie was well done and was kind of glad that there weren't the useless 40 minutes of fluff that were in the other Harry Potter movies. This movie franchise also deserves major kudos for still being amazing five movies in. What other franchise has ever done that?


I very strongly recommend that everyone check this out. Even if you haven't entered the world of Harry Potter by now - go watch the other four and check this one out asap, people!

The Nannie Diaries

The Nanny Diaries tells the story of the emotional and humorous journey of Annie Braddock (Scarlett Johansson), a young woman from a working-class neighborhood in New Jersey, struggling to understand her place in the world. Fresh out of college, she gets tremendous pressure from her nurse mother to find a respectable position in the business world although Annie would prefer to trade in her blackberry for an anthropologist's field diary. Through a serendipitous meeting, Annie ends up in the elite and ritualistic culture of Manhattan's Upper East Side -- as remote from Annie's suburban New Jersey upbringing as life in an Amazon tribal village. Choosing to duck out of real life, Annie accepts the position as a nanny for a wealthy family, referred to as simply "the X's." She quickly learns that life is not very rosy on the other side of the tax bracket, as she must cater to the every whim of Mrs. X (Laura Linney) and her precocious son Grayer, while attempting to avoid the formidable Mr. X (Paul Giamatti). Life becomes even more complicated when Annie falls for a Park Avenue guy (Chris Evans), and she's forced to explore her identity as never before.

I had read the book for this movie and had really liked it due to my experience working in day care. It really captures that whole absent parent thing incredibly well. This movie was basically Devil Wears Prada meets day care. At one point, I even noticed one of the extras reading a copy of Devil Wears Prada. Weird. Anywho - I enjoyed this movie. I loved the narration throughout the movie and the way that they were comparing society to exhibits in a museum was great. Laura Linney is awesome as always and this was one of Johansson's better roles I think.

I would recommend checking this movie out. As the summer winds down, this will probably be one of the more enjoyable movies out there as the studios bombard us with a bunch of rancid turds.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End

In Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End, we find our heroes Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) allied with Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) in a desperate quest to free Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from his mind-bending trap in Davy Jones' locker – while the terrifying ghost ship, The Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones, under the control of the East India Trading Company, wreaks havoc across the Seven Seas. Navigating through treachery, betrayal and wild waters, they must forge their way to exotic Singapore and confront the cunning Chinese Pirate Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat). Now headed beyond the very ends of the earth, each must ultimately choose a side in a final, titanic battle – as not only their lives and fortunes, but the entire future of the freedom-loving Pirate way, hangs in the balance.



The original Pirates movie is one of the all time best popcorn/enjoyable movies ever. I've always been a huge Pirates Of The Caribbean fan as the ride at Disney World was always my favorite. I also loved Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow is one of the greatest movie characters ever put on screen. All that being said, I was kind of setting myself up to be disappointed with this movie. After being somewhat let down by the other big 3's to recently come out (Spider-Man and Shrek), I figured this would go down that same road. Thankfully, I was dead wrong. While the story was pretty convoluted at times with all the side switching of the characters and I really had no clue what was going on at one point, I still absolutely loved this movie. This is the type of movie that you love not because it's very well done, written or acted, but simply because you enjoy it from beginning to end. The movie was nearly 3 hours long and I didn't look at my phone once to see what time it was. Not to mention that all of the characters (not just the three main ones) are so well developed in this trilogy of Pirates movie that you enjoy watching them just as much, if not more, than the central characters. Hell - I was beyond psyched to see the scenes with the monkey for christ's sake.



I fully recommend everyone check this movie out (like anyone wouldn't anyway) and proudly give it the Mr. Cinco must see stamp of approval.